It began just like every day – James and I each having our “alone time with God; then with our cups of coffee we sat together and planned our day. 

While he exercised, I took our dogs for a walk. I had just taken a picture of some buck tracks to show to James when he came to join us on our walk. We walked to the pond and then back to the house. James took the tractor to do some dirt work and then we did some outside work together. 

About 2:00 he said he was going to take the Kubota and mow around the pond. With a kiss, a hug and an “I love you”, he got his mower keys and went out the door… Those were the very last words ever spoken to each other. I was at the kitchen sink when I looked out the window when I saw my husband alive for the last time as he headed to the pond”.

About 4:30 LeAnn came in the house and was in a hurry and told me to stop whatever I was doing and come with her. “911 has been called; ambulance is on the way". Steven is doing CPR”… It was my James… When Steven drove in from work, he saw James face down on the ground. 

The rest of that day was just a blur... “this was not my family, it is someone else’s.  

The ride to the hospital - Friends from Church – Phone calls to be made; the nurses, the doctor;  "I’m sorry Mrs. Tatum, we could not revive your husband.” 

I wanted to scream “NO, YOU ARE WRONG!” 

Tears, hugs, disbelief. The suddenness of it all. Questions with no answers; I’m trapped in some kind of a time warp.. 

MaKayla and Hannah asleep n the couch… LeAnn curled up on her daddy’s “orange chair”. 

My bed, empty of the one with whom I have slept next to for thirty five years, 10 months and four days.. “Please God… Wake Me Up” 

Family is here... I am numb... Instructions from those who love me... Decisions to be made... papers to sign... Food is everywhere...

Someone needs to be comforted.. I reach out to the one i hear crying; the one whose heart is broken beyond repair; the one whose life will never be the same... But, when I reach out I find I find that person is me..

Another blurry day.. Numbness and reality have set in; it makes no sense to me at all. My husbancd, My James is not here. I remember now, he is with the One Who for whom he has longed for.. Our Lord Jesus...

How can I be so selfish as to want him back, but I do. I miss him; how am I going to go on alone?

Family, Friends, more food; Flowers, casket, decisions.  What would i do with out Jo! She has handled every detail.. She has prayed.. she has kept me together.

Today I m helpless and I am broken...

Thursday - November 13, 2014

I am thankful for the time and the space to be alone in my room. The house is full of famiy and friends.

More food; more words of encouragement. My children's hearts are broken; they have lost their daddy; I have lost my husband, my forever love. But just three days ago my forever with James ended...

I realize that he isn't mine any more...he belongs to God (he always has.

Tonight is visitation. My husband is here, so handsome in his blue shirt and favorite tie, lying asleep among us.. People are everywhere, hugs, condolences, memories shared and tears... 

Who am I now?  When will I wake up?

Today we celebrate the life of a man who loved and served God. At times it was an uphill battle dotted with few mountain tops and a lot of valleys... But my husband always perservered, always forgave and always loved...

Our church has lost their pastor, my children their dad our grands their PaPa, and for me, my husband, companion and soulmate. "honey you would be so happy to see our little church filled to standing room only." So many friends and family coming together because of the way you lived your life. You had a profound impact on each of their lives. The service was beautiful. Robert Mahan spoke about the impact you had on his life. Steven read a statement from LeAnn and then he spoke from his heart about you.

Then our MaKayla spoke to a house full about you, your legacy and she challenged us all to "Live by your example"! Bro Sherman spoke and Christy sang "Another Soldier's Coming Home".

Our last goodbye to the body that housed your spirit for sixty four years..

The drive to Bascom; Lunch at Friendly and then home.... the rest of the day a blur.

The days are now filled with "see ya next times" as family depart to their homes. Rick's, Jeff's, my sister's, Art and Jo.

The house is empty... Mak and Bear spending the night..Me alone with my thoughts... trying to take it all in and still nothing making any sense at all..